Foe: American Apparel Unisex V-neck

 

Mom, can I borrow your blouse?

I never thought I’d find a v-neck I hated, but a company I love  has shown me how easy it is to hate. Hoping to find a deep V-neck, I found this abomination against nature and science. Despite the plaque hanging in my office reading: “Student Recognition Award for Excellence in Home Economics 8th Grade: Phillip Kopczynski.” –

Hero: Wayne Coyne

Wayne Coyne is currently on tour with The Flaming Lips. As of publishing time he is unavailable for comment.

Untied Bow Tie with Workman's Boots. Yeah Yeah Yeah.

The Flaming Lips are veteran rock n rollers, having performed internationally for over 25 years; they have changed their image more than once, but have always been led by notable eccentric, Wayne Coyne.

 

As far as the music of the Flaming Lips goes –  I could take it or leave it, but the style of their lead singer is uplifting and fun. Wayne Coyne is interesting without being weird. This bears repeating: He is interesting without being weird – he defies convention without making those who live in the realm of convention uncomfortable. If he and I ever went to my grandmother’s house to play billiards in her basement I would not have to excuse Mr. Coyne saying, “Pardon my weirdo friend, he’s in a rock band.”

 

Do you realize... How great that feather is?

Coyne represents what Future Fashion Now strives to be about: simple, accessible, interesting. Coyne is a perfect example of the common phrase, “it’s not what you wear but how you wear it.” In late September Coyne was interviewed by Stephen Colbert and he wore a modest suit with a red feather in his jacket pocket and a tie which had been cut off at his sternum.  Coyne’s wardrobe must be filled with well cut, but loosely worn, light colored suits which represents the whimsical and somewhat psychedelic nature of The Flaming Lips very well. He won’t scare Great Gram, but the kids will still think he’s fun.

Foe: Backward Newsboy Hats

Fat guys and old men took over newsboy hats once newsboys had to start wearing helmets while delivering the morning paper. 

Maybe it's okay if you rid a plane of snakes

That was in 1974 and now that we’re almost in the future many people have newsboy hats in the wardrobe – some people have a few. And why not? They are easy to maintain, are great for going out on Friday night or leisurely walking your dog while trying not to look creepy at the park on a Sunday afternoon.

However there are a few unspoken rules to the newboy hat.

Rule One: Many styles allow the bill to unbutton from the front material, causing it will poof upward which is okay as long as you are comfortable telling child after child that – no – you are not a train conductor.

Rule Two: And this is the important rule  – never wear it backwards. It gives a look that is unnaturally aerodynamic for cloth and bill. Please don’t do it.

I went to college with a great Canadian guy named Rob who wore a newsboy hat with a  Canadian leaf  embroidered in the center of the back part of the hat. If he wore the hat it was on backwards and that leaf would stare out at people like a third eye about to shoot a laser beam of hockey rage and maple syrup. Everyone loved Rob, “He’s such a nice guy.” But the hat was talked about in whispers like it was a rash on the back of his neck, “Does he know….?”

I ran into Rob at a wedding a couple years ago and when the conversation reached a pause I asked if he still wore his Canadian Kangol.  A longer pause followed and he said, “Yeah, sometimes. Why?”

“Do you still wear it backwards?” I asked while my wife who went to college with us decidedly walked away from the conversation. 

“Yeah why?” He asked again.

“Just wondering.”

 Last I heard, Rob was deported.

Friend: Carpenter Pants

They will survive the nuclear fallout.

Perhaps the white robe and lice infested beard Jesus walked around in are out of fashion today, but the pants he wore under that robe are still stylish as ever.

Part tool belt, part pants – carpenter pants are extremely versatile. They aren’t just for carpenters! Painters, plumbers, mechanics, and yes industrial business salesmen can all look good in these rugged gems. Dress them down with a bunch of spilled paint or don a polo and dress them up for business meeting with donuts and coffee served from Dixie cups.  Don’t forget to accessorize

 

Carhart really is the best carpenter pants designer and they have all sorts of  great colors and materials, but stay away from camo. Trust me.